I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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