Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize