He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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