Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
