can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
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