my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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