anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
