i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
