She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize