Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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