so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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