I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
