I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
