Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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