I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
