Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
