Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
40s are totally the cure
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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