You work out of a Hotel?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
