Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
