I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
