Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
the day after is always just damage control
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
