i would punch a child for taco bell
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
