Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You dont lie about slip and slides
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
