I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
