he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
