you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
