if i can run in heels then i can drive
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
