Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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