I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
