I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just had sex on a roof
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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