His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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