the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
