I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
