i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
false alarm, still single
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
