But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
