So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
