I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
