i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
ttyl tear gas
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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