..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
