Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
