I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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