god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Text me some of your sweat
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
