quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
