It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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