I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
