I seem to have left my pride at pride
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
