Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
