i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
