im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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