we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
