Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize