If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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