The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
