What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
