He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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