What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
