I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
