I heard we made out
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
