it wasn't lemon gatorade
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
