You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
