Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
