If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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