I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
