i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
