Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
