I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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