am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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