someone threw a dead crab at me
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We need a shit load of segways right now
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
