I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize