I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
