I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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