We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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